Comprehensive Exam: The Results Show

Last week, in fact a week ago today, I turned in my comprehensive exam. I thought it would be fun to post a couple blog entries every so often and share how my freakage was going. But ya know what? I've been having a great time NOT doing ANY Capella work - imagine that! And the time has flown. It's been a great week - laid back, peaceful, pretty dang schweet.

In fact, I haven't been worrying much about getting the results of my comps back either. What's with that? Why worry a week early? (Because that is what i DO? Duh!) But honestly over the weekend…those evil thoughts seeped into my brain.

Then today….as I'm hearing others are getting their results….of course I begin to worry and wonder and start tweakin out again. I logged into my personal email practically every hour to see if "the email" had arrived. But no. Drat! Nothing even close was in the inbox.

After all of that, what possessed me to log into my work email once I got home? The last look was only thirty minutes before that….are you becoming a little OCD, Sheryl?

There were three new messages in my box, one a voice message. Once that phone message was identified as coming from my comps courseroom mentor, the bold move to call her back overtook me and I grabbed the phone.

"Hi Charlotte, it's Sheryl Hess. I see you called - sorry I missed you." (My heart was pounding like crazy by this time.)

"Hi Sheryl." Blah-dee-blah-blah ... my mind wasn't comprehending any words at this point until I heard: "You passed."

A screaming, jumping, yahoo-in' freak ran through my house yelling back into the phone: "Are you kidding me? Holy crap!" (and other profound statements of a similar ilk).

So here I am - a successful completer of the comprehensive exam.

As confident as I was in the work I turned in, there was a little part of me, a shadow of doubt that never leaves me, that the readers would find many more errors than I was aware of and then I'd go into rewrite. Not that a rewrite would be the end of the world, because "rewrites are good" but still….

Now it's onto finishing up a couple of tasks for this quarter and onto dissertation I go. Holy crap. I have never been as proud of myself as I am right now. The exam was the most challenging academic work I have ever been involved in. The roller coaster of emotion and thought and frustration is now over for this task in my program.

I'm looking forward to the transformation of Sheryl to continue as I travel through the dissertation process. Let the onion layers continue to peel away!

Qu'est-ce que c'est *

* French for:
what is it/that?

It's how I feel ...
that's what it is!


Props to Julian Beever (http://users.skynet.be/J.Beever/pave.htm) an artist that creates trompe-l'œil (trick the eye) 3-D chalk drawings on pavement. He captured the essence of what I'm feeling right now as I crawl out of four weeks of enduring the comprehensive exam ... cuz ya know what?
I just submitted my exam!!
Unfreakin believable!


As the adrenaline courses through my body I'm feeling such a dichotomy goin on. I'm excited and I'm so over it. I'm confident and I think I suck. I care about the results and then I don't give a crap - it's over … for now. I've done the best I could in responding to the three questions and it will soon be in the hands of the readers to decide. Are the responses perfect? Heck no! That's not the point - just need to pass, that's all, that's all I want.

SO it's back to the world of work in about seven hours as these four weeks have zoomed by and summer is quickly fading. Gone are the days of waking up when I was ready (don't get me wrong, it was still early in the day), letting my hair dry naturally, lingering with morning tea on the deck, wearing shorts, being barefoot, and setting a respectable pace to the day. Oh well, life goes on, donut?

Topping the fun of the day is my horoscope: The pressure is off. Except for, of course, the pressure you're putting on yourself, which is more or less a constant. Have a little fun or a lot. Either way, you'll be back in full production mode tomorrow.

Once again, you can't make this stuff up!

Watch this space for more news and updates.

Fourth and goal

This is it.
Under the gun.
Do or die.

Typin' my fingers off.
Grindin' the gray matter - ouch!
SO ready for this to be over.

Seven pages left …
Qu'est-ce que c'est.
Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better.

Run run run run run run run away.

That's all I got.
Nothing else to say.

● ● ● ●●● ●● ● ●

Over the last twenty years, technology has reorganized how we live, how we communicate, and how we learn. We derive our abilities by forming connections between things - chaos states that the meaning exists – the learner's challenge is to recognize the patterns which appear to be hidden; meaning-making and forming connections between specialized communities are important (and necessary) activities.

George Siemens developed a theory called connectivism which is a combination of principles explored by chaos, network, complexity, and self-organization theories. Learning is a process that occurs within a variety of environments that constantly shifts. Look at the explosion of social networking - the fact that my internet favorites are cross-referenced with a community across the world is mind-blowing. I am linked to others that think similarity or have similar interests. It is freakishly scary and intriguing at the same time.

It's all about connecting the dots.*

I'm in the midst of a major dot-connecting project: comps. Twenty-six days ago I had no idea I would feel the way I do today; there's been a shift in my thought process as I become more conscious about the connections that enable us to learn more are more important than our current state of knowing.



*The design of this blog was chosen for that very reason.

Day trippin'

One would think I'm on a little vacation with the day trips I take. Huh!

Toolin' through the www or the library I find myself getting off track - aka: a day trip. One cool reference leads to another reference which leads to another and another and eventually to a semi-unrelated topic --- off I go … bags are packed … I drop in … hangin ten on the new wave … totally stoked … in the barrel … it closes out … dumpin … back on the board, pladdlin out for a new wave …

A chunk of time zips by and then I know time management has taken a chunk out of my backside and I struggle for air - it doesn't take long to get off on another day trip though.

My travels add to the complexity of the question and heighten my frustration level. Being counseled to bring it back to the basics, I consider how counter that is to how I work - ironical as that is, as I seem to go off the deep end and make it more than I need to - sup wit dat?

And this is my favorite question (so glad I saved it to the end) and I'm off finding new (and incredibly awesome) resources! What the heck?

Maybe it's the day trips and new resources that make it complicated - duh! - ya think?? As new resources continue to find me I'm thinking: holy schneickies, this would be SO cool to add to my dissertation! Earth to Sheryl! Where are you? You are in comps, schnuckums - once again, you are putting the cart before the horse - whoa Nelly! But … the curiosity is heightened with the new things I find … I can't help myself it's like a freakin drug! Of course it might not be the same feeling if had I not finally found anti-Gen Net/digital native literature - awesome stuff!

Dazed I am and discipline I should muster. (Yoda-speak makes a comeback - must be the time of night.) Tomorrow's a new day and the rucksack is by the door.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Addendum: related to the surfing references above

In case you don't know - a surfer wannabe I am. And considering the fun facts I discovered about surfer snack foods, I think, I mean, I know, it's in my genes - or is it jeans?

The two most popular snacks are real opposites and not really that much of a surprise, although one of them does seem to have a UK / cold water slant. Here is a list of pre- and post-surf foods surfers favor (most of which I've partaken in the last few weeks):
Ø Bananas
Ø Tea (regular, green and Yorkshire tea)
Ø Chocolate / high energy snacks
Ø Burritos
Ø More tea
Ø Pasties (various)
Ø Dried fruit
Ø Crisps (aka: potato chips)
Ø Isotonic drinks
Ø All day breakfast (preferable after a surf!)
Ø Hot dogs (I haven't touched this one though)
Ø Coffee
Ø Sandwiches (homemade, fish finger, tomato sauce)

Left foot, right foot, left foot…

Routine … a blessing and a curse.

We would be lost without some kind of structure in our life but hopefully we don't take any structure too seriously and have it run us. I find routine fascinating, especially when tasks become automated because of repetition.

The adjustment from what life was like before comps (BC - ha ha ha) and now during, has been quite a shift for me. Now I think of the adjustment coming up in five days (not quite living in the moment kind of living, is it?) as I noticed what my routine, or rhythm, is these days. A great demonstration of flexibility. Our individual rhythms are like the music of our focus and determination - keeps us steady as we move through our lives. The pace might change but it is nonetheless a unique influence.

Human nature … ain't it great?

Why blog?

The daily activity of blogging has been an incredible release for me. Sure, I open myself up to anyone who reads this - but that is a risk I've chosen to take - can you tell I've been workin' on the vulnerability stuff? Writing this at the end of the day doesn't take anything away from what I'm doing the rest of the day - it is the best closure I have available to me now.

In addition to the release that writing a blog brings, it is a vehicle to process this amazingly stressful time. Five days left (technically six but I go back to work on the day my exam is due) and I am at peace with what is left to do and what the outcome will be. By no means have I given up - not in the least - just operating from a calm confidence which is rather unique for me.

While out and about today a song* unexpectedly filled me and after hearing it once, played it repeatedly until I got home. The noteworthy lyrics that have looped through my head the remainder of the day are:

... What we have we're gonna keep - always

What we've lost we do not need - always

What is it that won't let you sleep - always

Be the arrow

And the target

Put your head over the parapet

Be uncool

Yes, be awkward

And don't look in the obvious place

The soul needs beauty as a soul mate

... Don't find yourself in someone else - always
... Well if you dream then dream out loud - always

...Turn each song into a prayer - always

Now and forever

For always


*Always by U2
(In case you didn't know it, U2 has exceptionally spiritual songs.)